


coalesce

by prettyshiroic (kcgane)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Buckle up, Character Study, Introspection, M/M, WELL. THIS IS FINE., dealing with the loss of shiro again, from other character's POV too, keith puts on the suit to see if he can see shiro again, mindscape exploration, mindscape!shiro, more keith-centric, no i really enjoyed writing this, platonic klance, ship is more implicit than directly addressed, you can only guess how well that turns out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 15:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11581332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcgane/pseuds/prettyshiroic
Summary: Lance couldn’t pry his eyes away from the fight below. In all their time as paladins, he’d never seen Keith fight like this. He was fighting like his entire being hinged on this, like he wasn’t sure if wanted it to. Swallowing down the lump of uncertainty in his throat, Lance flinched as Keith took another fall. And another. This was but a fraction of what Keith must have faced at the base. Yet as he exited the red lion, with Shiro’s sombre expression following him, that endurance was swept aside in favour of something else.The team. The mission. The news. Lance couldn’t swallow the small sound slipping from his lips.“Oh.”Suddenly the simulations dropped, and from the side of the room stepped out someone impossible. Takashi Shirogane. Gaping, Lance pressed a hand to the glass, diving forwards to get a better look. Shiro. It was Shiro walking towards Keith and it was Shiro Keith initiated contact with, drawing the black paladin into his arms.“Kolivan, is that really-?”“No.”





	coalesce

**Author's Note:**

> this was a REALLY interesting story to write, i don't want to give anything away so all I'll say is i hope you enjoy reading!

“When I was in the trial,” Keith started, eyes vacant and cast down to the ground. “I saw him.”

“Who?” Lance asked, not quite sure of how close he could hover. He’d been keeping his distance for some time now. There was tentativeness in Lance’s movements, not wanting to startle the red paladin. The paladin who was reduced to a stoic, weathered version of himself. A despondent pillar - Keith had barely moved an inch from this spot. Staring vacantly out at the stars around them, Keith was consumed by things too big to put into words.

Unnerving wasn’t quite the word for it.

Lance had never seen Keith like this before.

“Who did you see?” Lance repeated.

Pursing his lips hard, Keith flicked his eyes up. Where there should've been sharp fiery intensity was dull perishing flames. Something dejected and _broken._ Hopeless and _hopelessly_ open. Vulnerable.

“Shiro.”

“Oh.” Lance said, for lack of better things to say.

“He told me I was only thinking of myself. That by choosing the knife I chose to be alone.”

“That doesn't sound like Shiro.” Lance narrowed his eyes, eyes roaming over the place where Keith’s shoulder had started scarring. He’d taken a lot of hits, they all had.

Keith shrugged. The gesture was heavy and overdone, body riddled with unshakeable weight. In the absence of an anchor, the gravity, Keith could do nothing but sink further into everything he really was. All the things he'd worked to erase. Trouble. Difficult. Angry. Smouldering unyielding fire.

“He was right, though. I-... I realised that just as he was walking away. Now he's gone.” Arms didn't fold across his chest in their usual way. Instead he stood motionless, hands pressed into his sides. Frowning, Lance reached out for his shoulder, didn’t quite make it. That was Shiro’s thing, that might not _help_ but then  _how could he help._

“Keith-"

“The technology of the suit from your trial will be able to recreate what you saw.” Kolivan’s voice sounded from behind them, drawing their focus. Well. Keith turned a fraction later towards the interruptions, movements sluggish. Realisation flashed across his face. But the words were lost. Stepping forwards, Lance probed on his behalf.

“So Keith could see Shiro?”

“It's possible.” Kolivan supplied.

“Even if Shiro’s not here?” Lance asked in amazement. “You guys can do that?”

There was a moment of silence. Keith’s breath rattled in his chest, waiting for the answer. Kolivan’s eyes swept over Lance, then landed on Keith. His expression was unreadable.

“Yes. The technology has many purposes, one of which is to communicate.”

 _Communicate._ With the suit, Keith would be able to communicate with Shiro. See him. _Hear him._

Find him.

“Why didn't you mention any of this earlier?” Keith snapped suddenly, eyes narrowed and tension churning beneath his skin. His entire being swathed in something hot and explosive. “Could've helped us out a lot sooner.”

“Your personal feelings were not the first thought on my mind. We were called to a diplomacy mission, as you know.” Kolivan lifted his head, firmly staring down the red paladin. Considering the look cast his way from Keith, the _intensity_ of it, he seemed unaffected.

“In this war, you cannot afford to place the life of one above the rest.”

_You're putting the lives of two people above everyone else in the entire Galaxy-!_

Keith's eyes widened, then. It _wasn't like that._ But it was Shiro. _Shiro._ Scowling, he wasted no time. He marched to the door, and out. Maybe Lance called out to him, maybe he didn’t. All Keith heard was the thudding of his heart, the fury blazing through his own voice as he had voiced the _very thing he was doing._

The suit was in his room. The plan was simple. He’d put it on, lock himself in there for however long it took to figure out where Shiro was.

Keith wasn’t giving up on Shiro.

He’d do _whatever it took._

**\---**

Keith wasn’t sure long he sat there, eyes pressed shut on the edge of his bed. Unusually still. So unspeakably still. Once again turned to stone in the absence of _him._ Hands didn’t shake, they curled round the sheets, breath fanning in and out. In. Out. Slow. Steady. _Focus._ Come on. The blade of marmora suit once tucked into the drawer now was worn over bruised skin and a bruising loss. _Patience yields focus, patience yields focus._

Nothing.

His eyes snapped open, pupils small dots in a sea of vacant white. Fire coursed through him, a self-destructive inferno he could hardly contain _didn’t want to contain._ It was a reminder. That he was here. That Shiro _wasn’t here._

It was a reminder that patience was yielding _absolutely nothing_ . All the focus in the world harnessed and channelled, and his room remained empty. A cell to stretch out his shadows and whisper words into his ear. Nothing more. Nothing less. But _nothing more._

Shiro wasn’t here. Shiro was _gone._ And just sitting around here would do _nothing_ to stop that.

Bolting to his feet, Keith grabbed the knife on the side and threw himself into action. Legs were pulsating with a deep ache. Exhaustion. But he didn’t stop. Keith ran until he reached the one place he could truly feel useful. Where he could let loose. He started the simulation promptly, not caring to think about the level he barked out. The number didn’t matter. _It didn’t matter._ He didn’t think about the two gladiators circling him, how they were slightly more robust and taller than ones he’d attempted to fight before.

He didn’t think about how the throbbing pain in his own body might just have been a sign to stop rather than start.

Keith was always starting something.

Now he was going to finish it, too.

Darting forwards, Keith struck a blow. The gladiators were relentless, closing in at every opportunity. Keith parried what he could. Ducked the rest. Fast. Sharp. Narrowly missed a few. Insistent. Took some nasty hits right to his stomach. _Harder._ More. One to his shoulder that ripped a strangled cry from him. Another that threw him to the floor, had him writhing as the pain eclipsed everything.

But it was nothing compared to the immeasurable hollow feeling in his bones, the empty spaces in his lungs the breath couldn’t quite reach. All of Keith had been cleaved open, jagged shards of the universe piercing into him not just to strike but to claw open his heart and take. Again.

Hauling himself into his feet, Keith lunged. The blade came up. Too slow. Wrong angle. Judgement marred by blurring vision and trembling footing. Stumble. Push. _Push for this work for this survive for this._

And again it took.

Reckless. _Restless._ He twisted. Twisted too far past the razor edge of this fight, fell into the front lines of a worse one. Keith twisted into the precipice of his own undoing. A despairing chasm he’d endured before. Could do once more. But not without knowing, not without trying. _Where are you._ As it hurtled towards him, as the gladiators land their blows, he went down.

He stood within seconds.

Down he went again.

“ _Argh!”_

And again.

Again.

And-

“-I think you’ve had enough for today, buddy.”

Eyes blinking open, Keith watched the gladiators disengage. The simulations toppled to the ground, ruins collapsing in the wake of something so powerful, so _impossible,_ so-

“-Shiro?” Wincing, Keith pushed through the wave of dizziness and rushed forwards.

Desperation plagued him, thrumming in his veins. Kolivan was right, Kolivan was _right._ If he could see Shiro, he could _find him._ He could save him. Reaching out, Keith dared to ghost his fingers across Shiro’s face. He looked okay, _safe._ Black armour still in good condition, which was a good sign. Lowering his hand, Keith tugged Shiro closer into an embrace. He didn’t slip through, there was warmth and sturdiness here. Gravity. A breathless laugh broke in Keith’s throat, though it was more of a choked private sob that should never have gotten this far. _He’d been pushed so far._

“It’s good to have you back.” Keith managed, voice raw and full of a rasp that said everything.

“It’s good to be back.”

The words were a switch, everything flipped as they were delivered. Keith jolted back, confusion rife in his expression because Shiro didn’t sound _happy_ or comforted he sounded frustrated. One look at the creased eyebrows and pursed lips revealed as much. Remaining close, Keith held his breath.

“Who knows what could’ve happened to everybody if I was any later.”

“...What?”

Something ruptured in Keith, then. A blade wedged between his ribs that pushed further and further in. He didn’t have anything left to give, to have taken from him. But somehow, he was still splintering. Shiro closed his eyes, turning momentarily away from Keith. His prosthetic came to the bridge of his nose, squeezing tightly. A sigh. Keith watched attentively, heart catapulting forwards without permission. Those eyes were no longer grey. They were steel and Keith could hardly steel himself against them.

“How could you be so _irresponsible_ and selfish?! Look at you!”

Keith did look, in spite of himself, noticing the faint tear in the suit on his arm. He could feel the aftermath of a costly defeat hammering into every inch of him. Shiro didn’t wait for him to speak. He continued swiftly, voice crashing over Keith in waves that shook him to the very core. _Look at you. Look what you’ve done._

“After everything that we’ve been through. I thought you’d learnt from your mistakes, Keith!"

A swell of panic seized Keith. Last time they had stood like this, a knife in his hands and a door behind them, Shiro had _walked away._ Keith had made the wrong choice. Keith had _failed,_ he had-

“Shiro.” He gasped out, eyes blown wide. The air couldn’t quite settle in his mouth, causing a violent splutter that stung. “Shiro, wait-”

“-I _told you,_ if anything ever happened to me I wanted you to lead the group. Keith, I - I _believed_ in you, and I come back to this?”

Stepping forwards, Keith clenched a fist.

“That’s not- I-”

Shiro sighed once more. He didn’t sound broken, or angry. That all had subsided. He sounded resigned. Finished. _Disappointed._ He sounded like he was _giving up,_ on Keith _._

“Out of everybody here, I expected _better_ from you.”

“...I’m sorry.” Keith said finally, voice reduced to a tone so low and hushed it hardly carried.

Eyes were cast to the ground. _Look at you. Look at what you’ve done._ He couldn’t look at Shiro. How could he? Even all this - it wasn’t enough. How could an apology _possibly_ be enough. Shiro believed him, Shiro had been the one person time and time again who truly thought could amount to something. Unconditional support and faith. Shiro had always given him chances, _taken chances_ on him. And now when it counted, when it actually counted the most, Keith had done the unthinkable. The one thing he had never wanted to do.

He’d let Shiro down.

He’d proved the black paladin wrong, proved _everybody else_ right.

“You were gone.”

It wasn’t an excuse. It was a fact.

It wasn’t enough.

“And whilst I was gone I was sure the team would be in good hands.” Shiro paced back and forth, agitated. Tossing a hand out, he shook his head furiously. “Entrusting the black lion to you was a mistake. I should’ve let Allura decide.”

“Shiro, please. _Listen to me!_ I swear I- I-” _I would’ve done it._ Head bowed, glassy eyes locked on Shiro. But the fire inside flickered, not unwavering but _wavering_ in these inescapable words. It flickered with a bite the fire never had before. One that turned on Keith without remorse or thought.

“I would’ve done it.” He said, retracing the resolve that lost its way. “Not just for you. Not just because of you, but-”

“-But what, Keith? It’s in the past now. The fact is you _didn’t do anything,_ so it doesn’t matter.”

But it _did matter._ It mattered so much more than Keith could begin to articulate. More than the moisture budding in his eyes, more than the pressure poking into his spine skewering his balance unnaturally. God Shiro mattered, he mattered so much. The universe mattered. _This mattered._

This-

**\---**

Lance and Kolivan stood in uncomfortable silence, observing the scene from the deck above. Lance had protested initially. Upon discovering Keith wasn’t in his room but _letting off steam -_ and knowing what Keith was like - he had wanted to march in there and turn the blasted simulators off. _Stop this._ But Kolivan was _Kolivan_ , a figure of authority that wielded such a presence that made it difficult to rebuff. So there they stood, staring down at a private arena.

Keith, against his demons.

It was intrusive. It was prying open a rusted keyhole Lance had been unsure how to get into for so long. And what he saw was unexpectedly familiar. Unexpectedly _similar_ to the waves breaking over himself. Because Keith tossed himself into the gladiators like a piece on a chessboard. With purpose to win. But he was no king. No mighty knight with incredible skill.

No. This confidence was understated. It was as humble and selfless as it was ragged and ruined. Keith moved like a pawn, like someone who believed they were dispensable. He charged into the fight without reserve, an admirable ferocity and determination radiating off him. Lance could feel the heat even from here. Yet laced into was something so cold, so horribly cold and _wrong._

Keith fell. Many times. He stood. Only to get knocked back down. But he kept pushing himself up. His moves had become more impulsive, no longer instinctive and logical. Keith was fighting something new, something worse than what any of them could see.

“Knowledge or death.” Kolivan said simply, voice distorted by the mask on his face. “That was the agreement your teammate pledged himself to before undergoing the trials of Marmora.”

Lance couldn’t pry his eyes away from the fight below. In all their time as paladins, he’d never seen Keith fight like this. He was fighting like his entire being hinged on this, like he wasn’t sure if he _wanted_ it to. Swallowing down the lump of uncertainty in his throat, Lance flinched as Keith took another fall. And another. This was but a _fraction_ of what Keith must have faced at the base. Yet as he exited the red lion, with Shiro’s sombre expression following him, that endurance was swept aside in favour of something else.

 _The team._ The mission. The news. Lance couldn’t swallow the small sound slipping from his lips.

“Oh.”

Suddenly the simulations dropped, and from the side of the room stepped out someone impossible. Takashi Shirogane. Gaping, Lance pressed a hand to the glass, diving forwards to get a better look. _Shiro._ It was Shiro walking towards Keith and it was Shiro Keith _initiated_ contact with, drawing the black paladin into his arms.

“Is that really-?”

“No.” Kolivan kept his focus ahead, arms behind his back.

Snapping his attention away from the scene below for the first time, Lance stumbled over his words in open shock.

“What? Then _how?_ How is this possible how can we be-”

“-The suits create a virtual mindscape for the wearer. We too are able to see the projections.”

As Lance turned his attention back to Keith, the situation had drastically changed. There was distance between the pair of them, more than Lance had ever seen. Shiro was leaning forwards, he looked angry. Keith was _standing so still._ He looked like fractured glass, barely holding itself together in the wake of something so destructive. And as Keith shattered, Lance’s composure did too.

“You lied. You said it was used for communication!” He jabbed a finger in Kolivan’s direction.

“It is, paladin.” Kolivan’s mask slid up, revealing a stern frown. “This communication is not between them, but between the both of you.”

“ _What?”_

“You are witnessing this, are you not?” Kolivan outstretched a hand, gesturing to the scene below. Keith was throwing up his hands, passionate words spelling from his mouth. Shiro seemed impassive to them, not swayed by what was going on. The way Keith _moved back_ in a particularly loud silence said everything. And once again, Lance felt he was intruding. He didn’t _understand_ why Shiro would intentionally make Keith look like this, _feel like this._ It made no sense.

“The Shiro your teammate sees is not the true one, but the manifestation of his own greatest hopes and fears.”

Shiro turned his back. Greatest hope. Keith reached out a hand, _hesitated._ He _didn’t follow._ Greatest _fears._

“Oh quiznak. All of this is… it’s _Keith_.” Lance breathed.

“In essence, yes.”

Keith’s words reached the observation deck, fiery but fleeting. Like fireworks, exploding with intensity for but a few seconds before ebbing into their own oblivion. _I can’t be the person you expect me to be! I never held you up to be anything other than what you are - even at the garrison when everybody worshipped you like some kind of perfect hero! I saw you and if - if you saw **greatness** in me, Shiro, then that’s on you and nobody else. _

_You’re the one who turned out to be wrong._

“Why.” Lance asked, endeavouring to tune out Shiro’s words - not _Shiro,_ Keith’s own _perception_ of himself through a Shiro he conjured - but could hardly prevent some of them sinking in. _No, Keith. It’s not on me. You’re just saying that because you’re too afraid to do what’s right-_

Wait, what. _What._ What! Lance knew those words. He recognised them immediately. Because they were his _own,_ delivered hastily and _frustratedly_ some time ago to the red paladin who was insistent upon not going after Allura.

Had it really stuck with Keith, all this time?

_-You need to take responsibility for this, Keith._

Damn this.

“The universe needs Voltron, and for you all to form it.” Kolivan began slowly, the hints of a grimace tugging over his lips. It seemed even he was displeased by the scene. “That cannot come to pass with your current situation. Your bonds must grow stronger if you are to have a chance. The red paladin would not have shown any of you this himself, and like all knowledge this comes at a price.”

Pause. Something dropped in his voice, almost quick enough to miss. Akin to understanding - a loss of his own, perhaps.  

“Voltron will not stand if one falls alone, if he is permitted to fall alone.”

Keith went still on the ground, breath evened out. But he didn’t move. Seeing the red paladin so still was _still_ unnerving. Lance didn’t like it. Not one bit. Shiro was gone, again. Seemingly dissipated into thin air. Keith was on his back, an arm thrown over his eyes. Lance didn’t want to find out if it was tears or sweat - or both - dripping down his face.

“What do we have to do?”

“That is up to you and your team, paladin.” Kolivan said ambiguously, stepping back from the glass. In a matter of seconds, the door clicked open and he was gone.

Well _shit._

**\---**

Keith sensed a presence behind him. Someone was with him here, watching. Here, but still worlds away - further than anywhere Keith could possibly reach in this moment. So he didn’t move or bother to give a greeting, didn’t trudge through the ruins surrounding him. No. His gaze was drilled into the black lion ahead. The last place Shiro had been. Now nothing more than an empty seat, a rift that tore through Keith’s universe - one he was squeezing shut but could hardly keep sealed. It poured and poured through his veins and out of his heavy eyes.

_All of it._

He’d peeled the marmora suit off last night, tossed it across his room. He’d hissed at the new marks on his skin, gritted his teeth and plunged a fist into the pillow. Eyes had come back wet; they were wet for a while. But there was no sound. No noise to muffle. Funny. Keith had always liked the quiet. He should’ve known it would have swung back around like this eventually, betrayed him. He should’ve expected it to distort into something _jagged_ and _too loud too much too-_

“-You know,” Lance cleared his throat, stepping forwards finally to announce himself. And just like yesterday, they stood together in an atmosphere that did it best to contain the building tension. “When I was… Well. I can’t really remember what birthday it was after now but-...”

A small laugh. Lance brought a hand to his hair, ruffling it sheepishly. Keith blinked slowly, hardly tuning into _whatever it was_ the blue paladin was trying to say.

“ _Back on earth,”_ Lance started again, eyes trailing up to the black lion. The head of Voltron, without a pilot or any kind of responsiveness. “There was this one time I lost my little niece in the park. I had my eyes on her for what felt like the _entire time_ but - just for a second I looked away and then she was gone.” The memory was a tough one to recall, the same panic of losing someone close to him, someone he was _looking out for._

“She was about five and it was my responsibility to look after her. I told myself I’d make sure nothing ever happened to her. _Ever._ ”

 _Nothing’s gonna happen to you._ Keith hitched a breath. _Hey. You’re gonna make it._ Fists clenched by his side, he exhaled. It was too forceful, offsetting his breath. He knew Lance heard it, could hear _everything_ in it.

“Anyway, turns out she got freaked out by something nearby and ran all the way home.” Lance shook his head, a fond laugh escaping him. Keith felt his lips twitch upwards. An instinct as opposed to an emotion, simply to acknowledge the sound. “But man. In those twenty minutes, I was so scared I lost someone I loved.”

Oh. Keith understood. His fingers burned and itched to sink his nails into skin. The buffer of the jacket eased the sting. Just. It didn’t ease the force of that word slamming into his chest. _Loved._

Love.

“This isn’t twenty minutes, Lance.” Keith’s voice cracked under the pressure pressing down _hard_ into him.

This could be months all over again. Keith built his fortress out of sand once, in a shack nestled into the heart of isolation. But sand was difficult to mould, it slipped through fingers and was fickle, _a lot had slipped through his fingers._ The garrison. His future as a pilot. _Shiro._ The foundations of sand crumbled at the end of each day. And as the sun rose, Keith had set himself to work on carving them out again from scratch. There was something cathartic in the repetition.

With it he’d barricaded shut the doors of his grief _,_ bleeding out only with messily scrawled notes between theories and observations. _And it’s killing me when you’re away._

Months. Years. _Years._ This could be a lifetime. An entire lifetime where he and Shiro pirouetted hopelessly around each other’s orbits, mere _seconds_ out of cycle each and every time. The gravity of Shiro was no longer felt, because he was gone. In his place an entirely new gravity emerged. And it was one that didn’t push him forwards, it pushed him _backwards_ deep into himself. It pushed Keith deep where he didn’t _want_ to go, not again.

_Not again._

“Hey, Keith. Keith.” A familiar voice tugged him back, coaxing his attention by soft utterances of his name. Gentle assurances. Blinking slowly, Keith set his jaw tight and listened. It was better than hearing the crunching of post-it notes and crumpling of sun-worn photographs; _if he squeezed he could feel it, force it into his bloodstream._

“Keith, buddy. I know this isn’t exactly like that for you. Shiro is - he’s…” Lance trailed off then, scratching his cheek. Shiro was _something_ , but whatever that was Keith had to decide for himself. Lance couldn’t dictate that, or assume from what he’d seen. And _oh boy_ that was another conversation they were probably going to have at some point too.

“But… uh, Shiro is really important to you.” Shrugging, Lance attempted to play it casual. Keith could see from the corner of his eyes shuffling limbs, which meant this was serious. Lance was trying to downplay it a little. He wondered what Lance was searching for, if not someone. _They should be searching for someone._

“And I kinda think you’re blaming yourself for what happened to him.”

Keith was suddenly _burning,_ the kind of fire escalating out of his own hands _._

“Dude, just - hear me out a second. Sometimes things happen and you can’t change it. But you-”

“-You don’t have to tell me.” Keith spat the words bitterly, arms folded. Every inch of him closing up and propelling away from this, away from Lance. _Away._ Charging headfirst into the blaze; it was freezing. _That’s cold even for you._ “Everyone is thinking it. _I get it,_ okay?”

_Out of everybody here, I expected better from you._

“Yeah, you’re right. We _are_ all thinking it, and we have been for a while.” Lance’s voice caught Keith off guard. It wasn’t anything Keith expected. It was soft and subtle, carefully placed. Not pushing, but not pulling back either. It was enough to have Keith tearing his gaze from the black lion.

“We’re thinking that no matter what happens now, Keith, we’re with you on this. But we need you with us too, for Voltron. _And_ Shiro.”

Silence coaxed them into its garden, luring them deeper and deeper. Keith didn’t know the path anymore. _How could he._ It was far from straight-forward, any of this. He’d lost sight of the direction for a  while, _too long of a while._ Shiro walked it with him once, gave him a nudge here and there. He’d learnt to hone it in, keep himself on track. Veering off-course made it hard to find the way forwards, with overgrown memories and poorly maintained _affirmations._ But that didn’t mean Keith _stopped._ He trawled through his own mess, dealt with it. _Would_ deal with it.

_Not just for you, exactly. Not just because of you, but-_

“Thanks, Lance.” Lips quirked up slightly as the pair of them fell into a newfound rhythm. Quietly, they watched the black lion. There was something pensive lingering here, prodded aside by amusement that was never meant to last. But at least it managed to draw a breathless laugh from Keith. Sometimes, the good things came in small bursts. Like cutting a corner too tight on the hovercraft, like the wind barrelling into him at highspeeds .

Like a pod crashlanding on earth.

“Pretty sure that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“And _that’s_ an insult, mullet.” Lance responded without hesitation, slipping right back into their trademark bickering. It had been some time since they’d done this. “I’m always nice to you.”

Keith snorted.

“Mhm.”

Leaning over with a grin, Lance ruffled Keith’s hair.

“Get off.” Keith grunted, making no real effort to change the situation. If Lance’s eyes weren’t _deceiving him_ , he thought he saw the trace of a _smile_ on Keith’s lips. And that was mission accomplished. Pulling back, Lance patted Keith’s shoulder, unintentionally right on a fresh bruise. Keith jolted despite himself, revealing far too much.

“Man, you _really_ outdid yourself yesterday. You better have put some of that weird Altean healing slime on it.”

This time, it was _Lance_ who revealed too much and wanted nothing more than to take the nearest escape route. Even if it meant the _airlock._ Head turning, Keith raised an eyebrow at the blue paladin. Confusion. Followed by realisation, which was followed by something defensive.

“You were watching me.” It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a challenge either. It was a neutral statement, calculating enough that Lance ought to realise he should tread carefully.

“Kolivan explained to me how the suits work.” Lance offered swiftly, instead of owning up to what he _already_ felt more than a little sheepish about.

“Right.”

“It didn’t ever show you Shiro. Not the _real one,_ at least.”

Keith hummed absently, no indication given of the sheer _turmoil_ brewing inside him. It began to slip into place, then. How the suits worked, what they did, what their purpose was. _A test._ The anguish amplified inside _._ Tenfold. If Lance had seen that Shiro, then _Shiro_ had seen that Shiro once too. Pulse throbbing in his head, Keith pursed his lips. Shiro had thought the best of him when it counted, he’d _believed_ in him unconditionally. But flying into the centre of an unfolding storm, Keith hadn’t believed enough in himself to _believe_ Shiro. To believe _in_ his words.

_Not the real one._

He should’ve known. _How_ could he not have noticed the difference between his own unrest and the person that stood by him no matter what? The guilt hovered, but didn’t orbit. _Then you’ve chosen to be alone._ No. The detachment didn't belong in the black paladin, it stemmed from something more complicated. Keith wasn’t sure, what and he didn’t like being _unsure_ about Shiro. He glanced to the blue paladin slowly, recalling the words. _That doesn’t sound like Shiro._ Damn. Lance was so perceptive and Lance had been _right._

“Guess that makes sense.”

Lance seemed momentarily _stunned._

“That's... all you're gonna say?”

“What else is there _to_ say?” Keith asked pointedly, eyes narrowed. Spinning on his heel, he headed to the doors. This was not a tumultuous walk that shook the ground and ruptured his own balance; this was a walk that sent tremors through the starlines. _Warnings_ for whatever stood in his way _. Affirmations_ to what was coming his way _._ Because his footsteps had regained their weight, purpose. _Resolve._

“Where do you think _you're_ going?” Lance called from behind, arms outstretched. The black lion was still offline, blank eyes boring into them. Eyes darting between the lion and Keith, Lance waited for a response.

“We shouldn't be standing around here wasting more time.” Keith supplied, not looking back -  _looking ahead._ “We gotta get to the others and figure out how to form Voltron.”

 _And there he was,_ back on form - at least partly. Stone chipped away to reveal the embers of a fire relighting itself. A fire that wouldn’t engulf itself, stoked up on fierce patience. Lance couldn't hide the smile slipping over his face as he fell into step beside Keith. They walked like that to the doorway, in a steadfast sort of silence. It didn’t change once they reached the hallway, or even when Keith nudged Lance in the side with his elbow.

“Cut it out, Lance.”

“Cut out _what?”_ Lance asked, bewildered by the outburst. Still, he returned the playful gesture all whilst making note _not_ to prod any areas yet to be patched up from the training sequence. Keith noticed that much, stifling a small private smile.

“That. You look pleased with yourself. Or… _something._ ”

“Not myself - with you, Keith. Proud even.”

 _Proud._ Keith blinked, unable to hide his surprise. His _shock._ It was enough to stop him dead in this tracks, caught in the headlights of something unexpected. A firm but gentle insistence from a friend Keith didn’t think he’d ever have. It was bold and fluid, like the waves of the sea breaking over the shore - it was unmistakably Lance. Whilst it wasn’t gravity, it wasn’t Shiro, it was appreciated. _Felt._

“Aw _gees._ You’ve got that ultra emo look on your face that brings out your mullet. Let’s never speak of this again.” Lance groaned. Keith could hear the teasing, the light buoyancy Lance was trying to offer him right now. Not an escape, not a _pretence -_ support. He accepted, lips no longer tucking the smile into corners.

“I’m okay with that.”

“Think you’ll be okay with _this,_ too?” Lance cocked his head subtly to the door ahead. The pair of them came to a standstill in front of it, neither close enough for the sensors to pick up their presence. Inside that room housed the rest of the paladins, Allura, Coran. _The team,_ Voltron. All bar one.

“Yeah.” Keith said, and the door opened for him as he stepped forwards.

For the first time, Keith started to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> once @keith-and-shiro-were-dating made a comment on a piece of art speculating if keith would try to see shiro again with the suit, my mind just went straight here. as you probably guessed, this fic is based on the premise that keith was not fully aware of what the mindscape did with the shiro he saw. 
> 
> in this scenario, the time between returning to the castle and leaving the base was spent tending to his severe injuries, processing the trauma, checking over his wellbeing and shiro supporting him in the wake of big news and relaying that to the group. shiro did want to bring up the hologram to keith, but there simply was not time for this discussion. he also felt selfish to do so, and with the way he perceives his own self as someone not worthy of love and a broken monster, saw his own things in that mindscape.....
> 
> anyway! hope you liked this. it was such a fun exploration to do, and keith & lance's dynamic was really important to me to try and capture. i really hope they cross a bridge together and grow! 
> 
> thanks for reading 8)


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